Agent Of Change: What I Learnt From 30 Years Of Fostering
When Susan Barton became a foster parent, she hoped to change a child’s future. Turns out, she changed her own, too. She tells Tonic about the joy of making a difference.
I’ve experienced several life changing moments – having my first child, adopting my daughter and volunteering in a Sri Lankan orphanage in the 1970s. When I was in my late 20s, already with two young children, I heard about the crisis of orphaned children in Sri Lanka and felt compelled to help. There I was confronted with abandoned children who were suffering from severe malnutrition. One of the babies passed away a few hours after I held him in my arms, and I’ve never been able to forget him. I couldn’t bear the thought of any more children suffering and was determined to help as many children as I could in my own community. I started by fostering in my own home – I didn’t have any credentials and had little support at the time – but I knew I could be a good mum and a loving carer.
I fell head over heels in love with my first foster child. He’d was adopted after the death of both his parents, but that relationship broke down and he was placed into foster care. This little boy had experienced so much loss and so many difficult relationships. I took him in and together we learned how a foster carer and a child can work together. He’s now an adult and is still part of my life. He is just as wonderful now as he was the day he walked into my home.
I resolved to foster as many children as I could. I had 17 children – including my own – in my care when I realised it was time for a change. If I wanted to support more children, I needed more help. Many of the children I fostered were able to return safely to their family of origin – always the intended goal in foster care. But foster care can take many forms – from respite care to emergency care, to extended placements … and my heart was in long-term placements where I could really get to understand and connect with the children.
I like being the person that sticks around. Young people push boundaries and challenge you, testing your love and care. At a certain point you hook them in and there’s real reward in knowing they trust you. Seeing a child who has struggled go on to thrive is an unmatched experience.
Fostering is the first step to eradicating homelessness. It gives children a second chance and offers a sense of community, support and hope for the future. We desperately need more carers, but to do this we need to debunk foster care myths and offer far more support to those who open their lives up to children in need. The professionalisation of foster care in Australia is an important step. Once professionalised, carers would be well-paid for their role and receive adequate support, training and access to a community and network of professionals and carers experiencing similar challenges. Currently this is done by organisations but needs to be standardised across Australia’s foster care network.
Being a foster carer doesn’t even scratch the surface of the youth homelessness problem. I wanted to do more and I needed other people to help me. I gathered up support from business leaders, experts, philanthropists and anywhere else I could find it, and set up Lighthouse Foundation with the goal of effecting real change and the intention of helping every child suffering neglect and homelessness in Australia. I don’t want Australia to have any homeless children. I think we’re measured on the most vulnerable in our community and we continue to fall short.
The vast majority of young people we work with never enter homelessness again. Lighthouse Foundation has transformed the lives of more than 1000 young people using evidence-based strategies. For 30 years, we’ve provided homes and therapeutic care programs to those impacted by long-term neglect, abuse and homelessness. The people we work with have access to foster carers who are well-trained and supported, and to professionals who help work through trauma. I’m very proud of what we’re able to achieve.
Great carers hang in there, repeating routines over and over again until trust is established. Foster carers come from all sorts of households, family units and backgrounds. They work full-time or part-time and sometimes don’t work at all. They live alone, have a partner or a house full of kids. They’re young, middle-aged and retired. There are few rules around the criteria of who can be a foster carer. Many, many people have what it takes to become an excellent foster carer, but the most important factor is simply having a genuine love for children or teenagers and being able to offer a safe, supportive and warm environment for children to grow in.
In my 30 years of fostering, I’ve loved more people than I ever thought possible. I’ve continually witnessed that young people are inherently good and that they want to belong and be loved. Some children have lost and suffered so much in their early formative years that they don’t know how to succeed. They need skilled and caring people to model healthy relationships, aid in building resilience, exhibit unconditional love and walk alongside them. I’ve learnt many small things too – not to sweat the small stuff, to listen more than I talk, and that community is essential.