Big Hair, Big Dreams: Comedian Chris Ryan On Ageing
Think there’s nothing funny about getting older? Chris Ryan begs to differ. She tackles that topic and plenty of others, with her show Big Hair, Big Dreams at the Melbourne Comedy Festival this month.
Why is your new show called Big Hair, Big Dreams?
I am transitioning to grey hair so I like to address upfront how I look. My mum says my new haircut is edgy – that’s her word for lesbian. I’m not a lesbian but obviously I’m a huge fan of their work, because they do great work. My stylist is a chemical weapons expert. She’s bringing the grey hair in under light cover so no one can attack it until it’s fully in position. To be honest, by now I thought I’d be a bit more Helen Mirren, a bit less Wham!
In the show you also talk about your relationship…
I’ve been with my partner for 23 years. One minute you can’t get enough of them, the next you go, “Where are their friends? Don’t they want to go fishing?” I had dreams of having a relationship like those ones you see in movies when you’re young, and you go, “Oh wow, imagine being known and loved.” Then you’re 23 years with someone and it’s quite removed from the love story you see at the movies. Yet it is a love story. He is the love of my life It’s just that I’m not overwhelmed with passion at every moment. That’s not reality. When I was 13 and in love with a different boy every week, the idea of being in love was everything. And of course, love is nothing like you thought when you were 13. It’s far less appealing. It’s harder and funnier, I think.
You started as a comedian at 38, how was it to begin at that age?
It was brilliant. A lot of people my age forget that they can be renewed, they forget that they can become someone else or become more than what they are, and they forget that they can pursue a passion and it will redeem them from this exhausting life we lead. It doesn’t have to be comedy; it doesn’t even have to be seen by anyone. It can be gardening, cooking or volunteering – but you can renew yourself.
Does comedy help you work out the tough stuff in life?
Comedy is helpful in that when things go wrong in my life, as annoying or as devastating as that may be, there is a little part in the back of my head that goes, “Well, there could be a bit in this, with distance and time, that could turn into comedy.”
You’ve said you have learnt a lot from your mother.
I think a lot of women my age are reassessing their relationships with their mums … they want it to be OK as their mums get older. Last year when there were no gigs available, I interviewed my mum for this animation series of chats. I wanted to come to terms with my relationship with her by talking to her and finding the funny in the way she sees the world. It brought up how she saw me as a daughter, because I always felt like she wanted this different version of a daughter to what I was. And it’s true: she did want me to dress up in little dresses and have long curly hair that she could plait, and I’m totally the opposite of that. Yet we love each other and we laugh about our differences. It was a beautiful, cathartic thing to have these conversations and to see that my mum’s stoicism and resilience, while it can be sometimes annoying for a daughter, is actually wonderful, and that I can learn a lot from her still even though I’m 47.
How do you feel about ageing?
On a good day, I’ll tell you I absolutely love it. It’s the most confident and beautiful I’ve felt in my life, despite evidence to the contrary. But on bad days, I feel tired and spread too thin. The confidence I’ve got from not caring what people think and not adhering to an idea of what society wants from me – I think that freedom has been glorious, and I am delighted to speak on behalf of older women and just to be seen, finally.
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