Dating Again? Four Traps To Avoid
Think Tinder is the only dating game in town? Anna Grosman knows better. Together with her business partner Alla Kuzmis she runs Melbourne’s My Forever Matchmaking, which works mainly with clients over 35 and which she says has an 80 per cent success rate. The difference between their services and a dating app, says Grosman, is the security and certainty it offers. All clients are strictly vetted and complete an in-depth questionnaire to help identify their best potential partners. Clients also have access to experts including a psychotherapist, yogi, stylist and dating coach. “My Forever creates a safe space for people to meet. That leaves you with two lovely people looking for a partner who we know have similar values and things in common,” she says. Rachelle Unreich asked Grosman to reveal the common pitfalls her clients encounter, and how to avoid them.
Do know what you want
Many of our clients are coming out of a long marriage or had a horrible divorce, and they need to find themselves again. A lot of women haven’t thought about what they want – they’ve been living their lives for someone else for so long, that they’ve forgotten about themselves. We get them to take a breath and ask, ‘Who am I? What do I like? What is going to make me happy?’ Some clients are open to marriage; others are looking for companionship. We encourage clients to look in the mirror to assess why their previous relationships haven’t worked out – that’s an important step.
Don’t get hung up on looks
We don’t issue photos before our clients meet their matches, and that’s a block for some of them. Yes, the physical is important, but it shouldn’t make or break the deal. We tell people to look at someone’s eyes and try to connect on some level – maybe with their sense of humour – and let it flow naturally from that. We’ve had clients who, on the first date, were surprised by the other person’s appearance; they weren’t unattractive, maybe just not what they expected. But then they got along so well that they went on another date. After every date, we do a debrief. We wouldn’t force them to go on a second date but we might point out that this is the person who’s ticked all their boxes.
Don’t jump in too quickly
Our clients are not allowed to touch or kiss on the first three dates, but after that they can swap numbers and have intimacy. We want you to know each other mentally first. If the spark is there, intimacy will happen eventually. People want intimacy but they go about it the wrong way, through sex. We want to make sure the connection is right. Think about when you were younger: you’d get those butterflies of excitement, and sometimes if you go further too quickly, you go, is that it? When you go out with someone you like but there’s no kiss, you keep those butterflies for a while. There needs to be a bit of build-up and connection.
Do be realistic
Many women have unrealistic expectations about what type of partner they want, especially when it comes to physical appearance. At the same time, they need to believe in themselves. They’re amazing human beings, but they’ve often been in relationships that haven’t been good. We tell people: just because they’ve been bruised and hurt doesn’t mean there aren’t nice and kind souls out there who are looking for the same thing they are. It takes time and healing. At the end of the day, both men and women want the same thing: companionship, consideration and a real connection with a kind, loving and good-hearted person who is respectful and treats them as an equal.
Learn more at myforever.com.au
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