Find Your Unicorn Space
Eve Rodsky isn’t afraid to tackle the big topics. Her bestselling book Fair Play aimed to fix an age-old problem: the fact that women shoulder the vast majority of unpaid domestic work. Drawing on her Harvard Law School training and years of organisational management experience, the book outlined practical ways to help couples rebalance the work it takes to run a home.
Her new book targets another problem that many women will find all-too-familiar: the way our busy lives leave us no time to explore our own creativity. In this extract from Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life In A Too-Busy World, Rodsky looks at the benefits of creative self-expression and why making time for it is a necessity, not an indulgence.
I know my cousin and I are not the only people to look up from their busy lives and realise we’ve left some of our youthful dreaming and passion behind. You might feel it, too. What does your heart sing for? What does your body crave? What piques your curiosity? What does your intellect yearn for? What did you give up that you want to get back to?
Do you want to return to school? Pick up an instrument? Learn another language? Go to circus camp? Climb a mountain? Perfect your Cantonese cooking? Or maybe just carve out some quiet time to paint?
To be clear, I’m not talking about identifying or returning to a hobby. Let’s just retire that word right now. In his article in the Harvard Business Review, Scott Behson defined hobby broadly to be “the intentional, purposeful use of the time you do have for yourself (however short that window may be).” Unfortunately, as many women well know, a hobby is generally regarded as a superfluous nice-to-have that only comes into play after all the more important checkboxes in one’s already time-constrained life are ticked off.
And while we’re at it, let’s also throw the term vanity project into the wastebasket, too. The vanity project is, typically, a gendered term that refers to unpaid pursuits (usually performed by women) that are often subsidised by a partner and generally devalued by society. There’s very little dignity in the term and even less urgency. Both the hobby and vanity project are categorised as enjoyable but inessential.
To be even more clear, I’m not talking about finding a distraction, either. Believe me, I’m distracted enough just trying to get through my day. I don’t need an idle diversion, and neither do you.
So if it’s not a hobby, a vanity project, or a distraction, what are we talking about, exactly? I’m referring to the active and open pursuit of self-expression in any form, and which requires value-based curiosity and purposeful sharing of this pursuit with the world. Whether it be creating art, expanding your knowledge within your area of expertise, or developing a new skill, I’m talking about an activity that you lose yourself in. That you crave to go back to when you’re away from it. That gives you pleasure outside of your work, your family, and your other obligations. It’s something you do just for yourself – and because it brings you so much joy, you want to share it with others.
According to a study out of New Zealand, engaging in creative expression like I’m describing contributes to an “upward spiral” of positive emotions, psychological well-being, and feelings of “flourishing” in life, which researchers defined as feeling engaged in daily life, experiencing positive personal growth, and cultivating social connections. This relates to the “broaden and build” theory of positive emotions first developed by Barbara Fredrickson. Fredrickson explains that when you feel positive, it encourages you to expand your world, thereby eliciting more growth and creativity. Tony Wagner, a senior research fellow at the Learning Policy Institute, takes it a step further with his research showing that creative expression gives us a sense of purpose, along with enhancing resilience and contributing to a sense of playfulness and curiosity.
Given the research, I invite you to begin thinking of the active and open pursuit of your creative self-expression not as optional or as an “add-on” to your current life but as essential and fundamental to your physical, emotional and mental health as a whole person.
POP QUIZ
Which one of these activities qualifies as Unicorn Space?
A: Unwinding with your friends over an extended lunch
B: Sinking into a sensory-soothing, aromatic bath
C: Date night: dinner, drinks, and dancing with your partner/spouse
D: An hour of uninterrupted and contented time in the kitchen to roll out homemade pasta and put on to simmer your signature sauce that you will later, and proudly, serve to family and friends for dinner
KEY
A. This falls under the Fair Play definition of adult friendships and is absolutely valuable and essential to happiness but in a category of its own.
B. This falls under the Fair Play definition of self-care and is essential to your brain and body functions. (Not to be confused with “commodified wellness”, where people try to sell you care you don’t need.) True self-care is important, but it does not count as Unicorn Space unless it’s connected to a larger goal that can be shared with the world.
C. This falls under the Fair Play definition of partnerships. Making regular time to invest in your relationship will ensure its longevity and overall satisfaction, but you still need pursuits beyond your role as a partner to be ultimately fulfilled.
D. Bingo! This has all the elements that characterise the active pursuit of self-expression and that includes value-based curiosity and purposeful sharing.
Let’s pause for a minute. I want to acknowledge the full spectrum of realities caused by the pandemic and nod to the inherent privilege of being able to focus on creative pursuits at all, in a world where so many people are struggling just for food, shelter, and work. Many more are dealing with mental health issues like depression and physical issues like chronic fatigue and insomnia. And too many were, and still are, fighting for their very lives. I want to be sensitive to whatever your personal experience is and also propose, again, that Unicorn Space is essential for all people, regardless of your circumstances or financial privilege. (In fact, I discovered that some of the most privileged people had a harder time tapping into their creativity, whereas those with fewer resources were more likely to have Unicorn Space in their lives)
Unicorn Space may sound like the stuff of glitter and rainbows, and paradoxically it is the magic that will light you up as you inevitably face the hardships of life. But Unicorn Space won’t serve to replace or stop the storms from coming. What it will do is help you weather them. The truth is, if we want to avoid burning out, we each have to find time to step back; cultivate our curiosities, interests, and passions; and remember who we are apart from our jobs and our family roles. No matter what is affecting your life, creative self-expression like I’m describing is essential to your physical and mental well-being. In fact, it has been found to be a form of “transformative coping” that allows individuals to deal with transitions and stressful events. Additionally, creativity is also essential to the health of your partnerships and your ability to model what a full and meaningful life looks like to your children, your friends and colleagues, and your communities.
This is an edited extract from Find Your Unicorn Space by Eve Rodsky, Hachette Australia, RRP $32.99.