How Having Ovarian Cancer Helped Me Grow
Meghan Speers is that rare thing: an ovarian cancer survivor. The Chair of Ovarian Cancer Australia and Partner at Deloitte explains how the devastating diagnosis, received more than a decade ago, changed her life.
I was 29 years of age when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I was living and working in London. I was very much burning the candle at both ends: working hard to advance my career and making sure I saw as much of that side of the world as I could while I had the chance. I genuinely thought I was rundown and home sick.
I missed a menstrual cycle which was the tipping point for me to visit a GP to see what was going on. Missing a period was very unusual for me but I also felt bloated in the tummy, tired, I was craving carbs and sick in the morning. You can imagine the GP looking at me quizzically as if to say, “you look intelligent, how can you not work out you’re pregnant”.
There is no history of ovarian cancer in my family. It was just bad luck. It took some time to diagnose, in fact, they misdiagnosed it as an ectopic mass and operated to remove what they thought was a blockage in my fallopian tube. Unfortunately, they eventually found the tumour and cut it to remove it which released cancer into my body. With appropriate awareness of the potential for there to be ovarian cancer, I should have been a patient with one operation to remove the tumour. Regrettably I ended up being stage three with a number of surgeries and more chemotherapy than I care to remember. All of this was part of my journey.
During my treatment I felt like my cancer was the one whispered about. Ovarian cancer is difficult to discuss as it affects a very private part of a female and many felt uncomfortable about that. It was also the cancer with poor survival rates and, once researched, it was not lost on those that love me, that odds were this was not going to be a happy ending. I sat in the hospital watching breast cancer nurse [specialists] treat and support others. They seemed to be playing an amazing role in the patient's lives. All of this combined made me feel that if I was going to get cancer, I got the wrong one.
My “physical” battle was a whirlwind of treatment plans, operations and chemotherapy and I didn't have time to freeze eggs or do anything to protect my fertility. I had the strength to get my head in the game and tough out whatever treatment they wanted to throw at me, in order to come out the other side. So when my physical battle was over, I started what I call my “mental” battle. I wasn't the career climbing female that I was before cancer. I was softer and more vulnerable. I was more empathetic and more purpose driven.
““They misdiagnosed it as an ectopic mass and operated to remove what they thought was a blockage in my fallopian tube. Unfortunately, they eventually found the tumour and cut it to remove it which released cancer into my body.””
I was scared all the time which isn’t an outward trait of a female climbing the corporate ladder. I had changed and I didn't know who I was in my old world anymore.
I reached out to Ovarian Cancer Australia for support and I found it in spades. I was accepted at OCA. People had walked in my shoes; I wasn't lonely anymore. OCA gave me a chance to rebuild who I was and make a better version of myself. I don't know where I would be without them. Through OCA I dealt with feelings of sexual identity and bereavement from not being able to be a mum naturally which is common for women with ovarian cancer. I had a support group that I was part of. In time I also did advocacy work for them which was more about me than them! I wasn't as adept at public speaking as I am now, but they allowed me to share my story and speak as a “survivor” which was so cathartic.
In the early days, post-treatment, I worried about relapse. I don't as much anymore but weird feelings or strange feelings are met with trepidation still. I don't think that ever goes away. Also, the treatment for ovarian cancer is still draconian and so it’s an ongoing battle with the impacts of the treatments and surgeries. Many would swap with me to have that worry rather than say goodbye to their families forever, so I take my version humbly, and I am grateful that I was one of the lucky ones who survived this horrendous disease. The reality is that surviving cancer does take its toll on your body and mind for life, but it’s a battle I am grateful to have to grapple with.
Being diagnosed with ovarian cancer can’t not change you. I have learnt that the new empathetic and purpose driven me was actually a strength both in my personal life and in my business world. I am a better friend (I hope) as I now know that I don't walk in anyone else’s shoes, and that therefore it is best for me to listen and support, not judge. I am not sure I understood that before. I also learnt that you don't have time to sweat the small stuff, but the little things still matter. I make time to walk with a girlfriend or lay on the couch with the kids and talk, because the washing can wait and it isn't really what matters at the end of the day. From a business perspective, empathy in a leader is a powerful force. As we lead the next generation who are purpose driven, who worry about our planet, who strive for equality in diversity and inclusion, my ability to not judge and to help them be the best they can be, results in business success. My more rounded leadership style feels more authentic to who I am.
We should not have work-life balance we should just have life. It should be filled with all manner of things you are passionate about. I love my career at Deloitte, I love my role as a mum and wife and I love my ability to give back to the Ovarian Cancer community, so I fill my life to the brim with all that and more. My life experience makes me better and more successful at each of my roles. I may have learnt a life lesson on perspective and being grateful the hard way, but I am so grateful that I did.
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