I Found The Love Of My Life At 50
At 40, I left my marriage, which had lasted for 18 years. I spent the next decade looking for love, for direction … I moved between jobs and ended up feeling that nothing was ever going to work. It was coming up to my 50th birthday when I decided to take charge of my life and to stop searching for someone to make me happy. I was going to make myself happy. It was a conscious decision to end the passivity.
I started to lose weight, I got fitter. I was feeling much more confident about myself. Three and a half years before that, I had met a man (Miguel) online and we instantly connected. I was living in northern NSW and he was in England. We were both on this forum web chat, and I came across his answer to a question someone else had posted. The way it was written – with empathy and understanding – spoke to me. I messaged him and said, “You seem really lovely, I’d like to talk to you more” and we started a friendship. I initiated some flirting but he put a stop to it by saying, “We live on opposite sides of the world, I don’t do long distance relationships.” He wasn’t having a bar of it.
We became Facebook friends and it was then I saw a photo of him and learnt he was Portuguese. He was going through a divorce, and my son was undergoing diagnosis for schizophrenia. There was a lot of emotional turmoil in both our lives and we were a support for each other, someone to offload to without judgment. Our friendship became a deep connection, but on a platonic level.
Soon after my 50th birthday, he messaged me saying, “My divorce has finally come through, I want to go on a holiday, where would you recommend?” I jokingly said, “Come visit me!” He laughed, and said, “Why not?” I thought he’d never come all this way for one week. But a couple of weeks later he messaged me with his flight details. He booked a hotel in Surfers Paradise – a 50-minute drive for me – so we planned that I would stay on the sofa bed in his hotel room. I was at Coolangatta airport and saw this man walking towards me and – oh my god, I fell in love the moment I laid eyes on him. I was completely and utterly blown away. I had never experienced anything like it; it was such a powerful feeling. Later, he said, “I saw this excited teenager jumping up and down like a kangaroo!” That’s what I looked like to him.
I had never even heard his voice at that point. We had only typed messages to each other so there was still an element of doubt. I put things in place to be safe [in case we didn’t get on], but I was excited. In the car on the way to the hotel I was babbling away like a two-year-old. It really felt like that teenager-type crush with all the hormones and excitement. When we got to the hotel and checked in, he kissed me. Really kissed me. I said, “Why did you do that?” he replied, “Because you wanted me to!” “How did you know?” I asked, and he said, “It’s written all over your face.”
We spent five inseparable days. On day three, he said to me, “Where have you been all my life? I want to make this work – will you be mine?” That was in 2016 and we have been together ever since. Two months after that, I went to England for six weeks so I could get a feel for whether this was just a brief, holiday romance or something real. By the time I left, I knew I couldn’t live without him.
I packed up my life and went to the UK for four years. My adult kids and family were all happy but concerned. I have a British passport so I got a job there and met his kids. There were bumpy parts along the road like when his ex-wife took his kids, who are younger, to live in Portugal, but things never came between us. It was three and a half years before we had our first fight, which lasted about two seconds. We’re sickening, really.
He had vowed he would never marry again. I was open to it, although I wondered if we really needed it. We were living as husband and wife with joint bank accounts and we made all our decisions together. We had a commitment ceremony in 2018 where we said some vows and had cake, so for us that was our wedding.
Then he proposed. It was in 2019, when we came on a holiday to Australia for Christmas. His previous relationships had always gone bad at the three-year point, and he believed that was the test. We’d gotten to that time without any drama or hassle and he realised the depth of his feeling was always growing. I think he just felt, yes, this is the right person for me.
We spent 2020 in the UK where we both caught COVID-19 in March. We struggled a lot during that year; Miguel was put on furlough in April and in October was made redundant. It took its toll on us physically and emotionally but we always stayed strong together. There was nothing holding him in England after his kids went to Portugal last August, so in March of this year we came back to live in Australia.
I’m in awe of how much he loves me and what a wonderful relationship this is. He would do anything to make me happy. When you finally have an adult, honest relationship, you realise what love really is.
Whether you believe in God or fate – and I believe in fate – we were able to come together and bring out the best in each other. I remember that around my 50th birthday, I took a filing card and wrote 12 things I really wanted in my ideal partner on the one side, and 12 things on the back that were deal breakers. I put it in a drawer and told the universe: this is what I desire. Soon after, this wonderful man came into my life who ticked 11 of the 12 boxes. He’ll tell you I wasn’t his type when we met, but within two days of getting to know me, he knew I was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
If you have a mid-life love story you’d like to share, contact us at hello@tonicmag.com.au
Interview with Kellie King by Rachelle Unreich
Photos_ Bridget Flohe/UnSplash + Supplied