What I Learnt On 56 Tinder Dates
My friend Joanie (not her real name), 57, swears by Tinder for dating. Since divorcing five years ago she has been on 56 Tinder dates, each one with the potential to be her last-ever date. Along the way she has fallen in love and had her heart broken a couple of times, but she wouldn’t change a thing. Joanie explains what Tinder dating is really like.
In the beginning
When I split up with my husband of more than 25 years, I was afraid that I would end up on my own as I didn’t seem to meet men my age in the real world, and I certainly wasn’t inundated with guys chatting me up. I was not keen on meeting guys in a bar, so online dating seemed the logical step. Many of my friends were on Tinder so I thought it would be a fun way to meet people. If I am honest, it was also like a hobby. It’s pretty addictive chatting to people when you are home alone.
Dating now vs dating then
With the normalisation of online dating, it is now so much easier to meet people. I know exactly what I am looking for in a long-term partner and have a checklist of characteristics, which has positives and negatives. Before I married, dating was much more spontaneous, meeting people and living in the moment without an in-depth analysis of the future. These days I know what I want in a relationship, but I also try not to pre-judge anyone. I see many of my friends over-analysing every potential match. My mantra is to meet up with them and see for myself.
It’s a match
I have used Tinder over three separate time periods, leading to three separate relationships, and I have had 56 dates – LOL, I kept a record. As you can see, I am an expert! I tried other dating sites but found the most success with Tinder.
The good and the bad
My best experience was meeting my current partner and knowing immediately that he was "my person”’. He is absolutely gorgeous and I am so happy. On Tinder I have met many interesting people from all walks of life who I would otherwise not have come across. There have been bad experiences, like when people have deleted me after I have spent hours talking to them on the app. Possibly the worst experiences were meeting guys with secret beer bellies that were not visible in their headshots (I know, I'm shallow). I have also had a couple of bad dates, but generally, people are lovely, perhaps not right for dating, but pleasant nonetheless.
What I have learnt about men
Firstly, men are terrible at presenting themselves online. Most of their profiles read like they have taken two minutes to put together and their pictures are awful – out of focus, posing with fish, wearing crash helmets and high-vis vests with oil over their face, pictures with ex-girlfriends and so on. It’s very entertaining. I have also learnt that men don’t over-analyse – they take us at face value. They are not looking at every bit of cellulite, or judging us on how clean our kitchen floor is, and they are much more laid back and spontaneous. Most men are out to meet a partner – many have been very hurt by the break-up of their marriage and have not had an outlet to share their grief.
What I have learnt about myself
I have gained a lot of body confidence because I’ve discovered men aged 45-plus don’t look at every inch of a woman’s body with a scorecard, measuring the sagging, creping, ageing and cellulite. Guys like self-confident women and I know that this is what makes me attractive – albeit aided by anti-ageing creams, workouts and good haircuts. I have also learnt that if the relationship isn’t right, I can be on my own and not compromise.
I have found love
I have had three relationships and I am head-over-heels about my current partner. Funnily enough, I was his first Tinder match!
My advice to single women
Pluck up the courage and go for it. And most importantly don’t be put off if the first few people don’t work out. To some degree, the more you put in the more you get out. I hope that, like me, you will find love.
Interview_ Marina Go
Photo_ Denise Duplinski/Pexels