What I Wore To My Second Wedding
Does what you wear to your wedding reflect your relationship? We asked sex and relationships writer Tracey Cox, who recently married – wearing a red mini (below) – for the second time.
My first wedding was small – about 50 people – and quite conservative. My dress, a fitted fishtail style (below), was made by Alexander Perry and was very beautiful … cream but very much a wedding dress.
It wasn’t the wedding I had imagined. I lived at [Sydney’s] Watson’s Bay at the time and my favourite thing to do was sitting on the cliff, looking at the sea. I wanted to get married on a cliff in a red dress and go to the Watson’s Bay pub for the reception. But, like most people, we ended up being steered down a more traditional route to fit our families’ expectations. I got married in a church that was on a cliff. That was the compromise.
I don’t think I was ready for marriage the first time, even though I was 30. I was way more interested in my career. I was very nervous about marriage – my dad had had an affair so I wasn’t a huge fan of marriage. I loved my husband, but I felt panicky about the commitment because I saw how badly my mum was hurt.
After my first marriage broke down, I never thought I’d marry again. I did a lot of soul searching and realised that unless you sort your own issues out, you will never be happy. I wasn’t a very easy person to be with the first time around. I had lots of trust issues and a big jealousy problem. But, by the time I met my second husband, Miles, I was 50, living in London and I was a very different person.
For Miles and I, marriage wasn’t a priority. We decided to get engaged on the spur of the moment on a holiday in Portofino, and it all went from there. We got married in [London’s] Chelsea Registry Office, where lots of celebrities and pop stars get married. It’s got lots of history and was quite fun.
One reason I got married the second time was because I knew it would make my mum happy. She’s not traditional or conservative but she loves my husband and wanted to know we were settled for life. Ironically, she ended up in hospital, really ill, and couldn’t come to the UK for the wedding. My brother also ended up in hospital and couldn’t come, so two of the most important people in my life weren’t there!
I felt nervous when I got engaged for the second time. I had often wondered if getting married ruined my relationship the first time around. But I talked to Miles about my fears and we both decided that if the idea of getting married started to freak me out, we wouldn’t do it. It didn’t, and I really love being married this time around.
I swear I tried on more than 500 dresses for this wedding. The first dress I bought was by the US designer Milly. It wasn’t your typical wedding dress – it was red, retro and mini. After it arrived, I decided I didn’t like it and proceeded to try on practically every dress in London. I tried all the designers and every style of dress imaginable and nothing took my fancy. Four weeks before the wedding, I still didn’t have a dress. In desperation, I tried on the original one I’d bought. I tried it with a pair of sky high Etro gold heels I’d bought to wear with something else and thought, “Sod it. I’m wearing this.”
It was way too short for a fiftysomething woman but my legs aren’t bad and I got my hair done in a super-high retro style and just went for it. I had completely forgotten that I always said I wanted to get married on a cliff in a red dress until afterward. I didn’t get married on a cliff, but I did get to wear the highly inappropriate red dress. And funnily, Miles and I actually made our decision to get married while we were on a cliff, looking out over Portofino on the Italian Riviera!
Everyone’s first wedding is about pleasing other people, but for the second wedding you hopefully please yourselves. Some weddings reflect the personality of the people getting married, but others don’t. In my opinion, the more a wedding “fits” the couple, the happier it is. Ours fit us perfectly.
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