What No One Told Me About Surviving Cancer
Cancer is never really in the past. Just like any other significant event in your life, it shapes you, it’s a part of your story, because it happened. But it’s not always raw. Like anything, it changes over time. And while many of us will always have some sort of physical pain or discomfort as a result, the intensity of the sickness and pain from treatment and the fear and anguish around diagnosis fade significantly.
The word “survivor” polarises people. I know many women who hate the word, but personally I love it. It makes me feel strong, like I should have my own theme song. I don’t think anyone’s come up with a better term. I hate “patient” once I’m past the treatment phase – I’m certainly not going to think of myself as a patient forever. I hate “victim”; again, I’m not prepared to live with that term. I also don’t want any inspirational terms (cancer warrior – are you kidding me?), and I have very strong opinions on the whole “fighter” analogy!
One of the hardest things about cancer survivorship is the expectation that we should always be so grateful for being so “lucky”. Most people who haven’t experienced cancer firsthand will be surprised by the fact that there are ongoing issues – they think you “beat cancer” and it’s done.
A lot of people struggle with both the physical and the mental side-effects from the cancer experience. A lot of cancer survivors experience anxiety about possible recurrence and depression. It is normal and treatable but still very real and it can be quite debilitating until you get it under control.
Our bodies have changed, and sometimes it leaves us with permanent damage. Twenty per cent of people who’ve had lymph nodes removed develop a chronic condition called lymphoedema. It causes swelling and discomfort – usually in your arm, sometimes in your chest – and can make us susceptible to other infections. We often have to use compression garments, which are damn uncomfortable and heat makes things worse.
People are so nosy. If only I had a dollar for every time a random person looks at my compression garment and asks, “What have you done to yourself?” I am more than happy to talk to people I have a real connection with, but this is the cancer equivalent to a stranger asking you if you’re pregnant – it’s none of their damn business.
I don’t let cancer occupy too much space in my thoughts: I’ve developed my toolkit of strategies to help with that. I don’t always get it right – a new ache or pain can sometimes send me spiralling – but everyone’s a work in progress, right? I think we all need to have supports and strategies in place for whatever triggers us, cancer survivor or not.
Breast Cancer Awareness Month can be triggering for many survivors, but it does generate a lot of awareness and fundraising. I know that many scientific breakthroughs that came from research into one type of cancer have had positive outcomes for other types of cancer, too. All cancers are important, and when research is shared we all benefit.
There is a definite sisterhood of survivors, and if you’re reading this and haven’t found it, please reach out to your breast care nurse or one of the support organisations to see about a group you can join. I expect COVID has shut down the face-to-face ones but there are definitely online groups and Facebook groups.
I’m still very much in the “cancer world”, although it’s almost 10 years since my diagnosis. But that’s my choice – I could decide to close the chapter and relegate it to the past. But I find myself angry with cancer – for wrecking people’s lives, taking away loved ones, ruining family plans and for everything else that it’s taken; angrier now than when I was going through treatment – I don’t think I had the space for it then. Now that I’m well, I am able to turn the anger into something positive. I have spent the past nine years supporting cancer patients through my book, fundraising and advocating for better access to services. That’s the type of “fighting” that I’m happy for people to talk about when they’re talking about cancer.
Yvonne Hughes is the author of One Piece of Advice: Words to guide you through early breast cancer.
Interview with Yvonne Hughes by Patricia Sheahan
Photos_ Fabrizio Verrecchia/UnSplash