Feeling Lonely? Read This
Maggie Hamilton makes a living out of examining other people’s lives. In books such as What Men Don’t Talk About, What’s Happening To Our Girls? and What’s Happening To Our Boys?, she explores some of the biggest issues facing our society today. Her latest book, When We Become Strangers: How Loneliness Leaks Into Our Lives And What We Can Do About It, delves deep into the increasing sense of loneliness that many of us feels. What she learnt through her research and her interviews surprised her.
“I thought this would be a really straightforward project, but as I went along, I realised that it is so nuanced. We have forgotten our biology, the fact that we are sensory beings that need our senses to be stimulated to be fully alive. Yet we are shutting down on ourselves – from the lack of connection to the lack of touch to the lack of story in our homes.”
Wait … what? Are our interiors really making us feel lonelier? Yes, Maggie says, whether minimalist or maximalist, the way that we are carefully curating our homes serves to further disconnect us from our own lives. “We feel our interiors have to gel in a high-design sense. There’s no room for that funny old family clock, or our aunty’s favourite vase,” the Sydney-based author says. “Our homes are filled with objects, but none of them relate to our own stories. We are disconnected from them.”
When We Become Strangers takes a fresh look at the daily habits that cumulatively eat away at our sense of connectedness – from eating alone, to binge-watching train-wreck reality TV shows that undermine our sense of empathy, to our lack of connection to nature. The good news, she says, is that the solutions are within our grasp. There are simple steps we can take, from increasing our connection to place, to letting go of the need to always shine.
“There’s a performance element to so many things that leads to a sense of joylessness, where everything feels almost like homework. If we have people over for a meal, we feel we have to dazzle them. If you turn that idea around and ask everybody to bring a dish, the pressure is off. It gives us the opportunity to just sit and enjoy each other’s company,” Maggie says.
If you are feeling disconnected from your life, When We Become Strangers has lots of suggestions for small changes that will help you feel less lonely. Here are six of our favourites.
1. Treat yourself with one device-free evening a week for a yoga or dance class, for sport or hobbies. Note how much you’ve achieved and how good you feel.
2. Weekly rituals around food really help. Why not set up a regular breakfast catch-up or picnic with friends or encourage shared lunches at work?
3. Even a casual coffee catch-up can help keep isolation at bay. While you’re grabbing a coffee, there’s also the chance to connect briefly with those serving you: ask their name and take an interest in their day. A lot can be shared in a couple of sentences.
4. Visit a part of your city or local area that you don’t know or haven’t visited recently. Browse the unusual shops there, explore hidden alleyways, wander through a graveyard, if there’s a market there, have a meander.
5 Whether you’re at a cinema or watching with friends at home, shared viewing changes the whole dynamic, especially when you can make some time afterwards to sit and reflect together on what you’ve just seen – thoughts you can agree on, laugh about and debate – and enjoy each other’s company.
6 Spend contemplative time in a lovely park or bush area. Countless studies show that people who make nature-time a habit, experience a reduction in blood pressure and stress as well as an improved mood and sharper focus.
When We Become Strangers: How Loneliness Leaks Into Our Lives And What We Can Do About It by Maggie Hamilton and published by Murdoch Books is out now.
Words_ Ute Junker
Photos_ Supplied