“We Love You Mum, You Naughty Funny Woman!”
Dear Mum,
Once, when you were asked what the Tongan word is for “silence woman!” you replied, “There is none, end the story!” What a great answer. Typically, short not sweet. Direct and empowering just like you. But we did always wonder if this was a little white lie? You are a natural born leader and have always spoken with such conviction that whatever you have said to us we have taken to be the gospel truth.
You’ve recently started saying, “Google it, I’m right!” just to prove to us that even the internet can’t beat you. The thing is we do Google it behind your back, and you are always right, goddammit. Except for that one time – we looked up “silence woman” in the English to Tongan translator and there it was in black-and-white: “longo, fefine”. You cheeky devil! Thank you for keeping this from the men in the house.
You’re a quick thinker! English is not your first language but you haven’t let it stop you from spelling it out better than anyone we know. OK, sometimes you get your plurals and genders mixed up but that’s about it. After all, who in their right mind would correct you when you say things like, “Why are mens talking?” Certainly not Dad. Over the years he’s learnt the hard way. Once when he saw a pretty lady and mistakenly said out loud, “Oh she’s a pretty little sheila”, your comeback was, “Oh yeah, and what you going to do with it?” In your opinion “all mens are the same”, even our well-meaning father.
Lately you’ve taken to texting and FaceTime. You are pretty good on the emojis, too. We’ve noticed that you have your favourites. Usually a single love heart then prayer hands followed by the laughing face, but recently you’ve expanded your repertoire to include the looney face. Do you think we’re mad? Is this a mistake? Maybe you need to power up your spectacle prescription because you’ve made some other classic typos lately. Did you really mean to say “good luck, knock them deaf” before our recent live performance on national television? Because it really threw us. Made worse by Dad’s recommendation to “remember to sing not shout”.
You more than made up for it afterwards with your follow-up text: “My jolly goodness, that was absolutely topped everything! Interview was short. Sweet! So so very proud and good on you both. Well deserve and can’t wait for next chapter. Bless everyone souls whoever they are. Congratulations millions time. Very proud, very stoke.”
Thank you for not taking a step back and for embracing technology at 86-years-old.
We love you Mum, you naughty funny woman!
Vika and Linda.
Vocal duo Vika and Linda Bull were inducted into the Music Victoria Hall of Fame in 2019.
This is an extract from Dear Mum, edited by Samuel Johnson OAM, published by Hachette
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