On The Money: “My Husband Handled All Of Our Finances”
When I was growing up, money wasn’t spoken about in front of the children. My parents had their own business and it was clear money was always tight. We would never buy anything new when we could get it second-hand.
My parents went bankrupt when I was in year 5, which had a big impact on me because we moved into a rental flat and had to rehome my dog. I hated school mufti day because I never had any new clothes to wear.
I was taught to work hard and not waste money. When I was in year 7, I wanted a particular pair of shoes all my friends had, so my mother suggested I make some fabric bottle bags and sell them. She would have been working 10 hours a day and then stayed up with me, helping me with my sewing and ironing the finished ones for me. By the time I had the money together, the shoes were out of fashion.
I got a part-time job as soon as I was old enough. At one stage I was working three jobs. By then my parents were doing better financially, so they paid my university fees upfront and I paid them back, so I graduated with no debt. I have never had a credit card.
Things really fell apart when I got married. My husband earned big money and he handled all our finances, and I lost a lot of confidence. When I left him, I went from a marriage where we owned our house, an investment property, a boat, a caravan, two cars, to having absolutely nothing, because everything was in his name.
He’s not smarter than me, he’s not more financially literate than me. I’m still kicking myself for letting him do it. He would say, “It’s better for my tax”, and it never occurred to me that there was anything dangerous about that. I was invested in the marriage and thought we were a team. I also had my hands full looking after the children. Looking after your own children was something instilled in me and I would never have considered childcare. That sort of thinking was part of what put me on the back foot financially.
I did leave him at one stage, but he said he would change and I went back. We set up separate bank accounts and agreed that we would split the bills. But then he’d say, “Oh, I need you to pay this bill” at the last minute, and I just wouldn’t have the money. Then he’d tell me I was useless with finances and beat me down again.
“I had to take the kids and move in with Mum and Dad because I had no money to rent a house. I mean, how do you get yourself in a position where you can’t rent a house?”
I heard about a job that might be coming up from friends who were still teaching. That’s when I decided to leave my marriage. It was a bit of a gamble – the job wasn’t even advertised – but it was the kick I needed. That was last year. I had to take the kids and move in with Mum and Dad because I had no money to rent a house. I mean, how do you get yourself in a position where you can’t rent a house?
I’m now working full-time and I feel like I’ve won the lottery. But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about money. I was up until 2am at the weekend working on my budget because my oldest has been accepted into an independent school, and the idea of spending $60,000 over 10 years makes me choke. But it’s the right place for her, and I’m prepared to do what I have to. It does mean there won’t be any big holidays; that trip to Kenya I always dreamt about will never happen. But it’s my choice, and that’s incredibly empowering. Last year I couldn’t make any choices about anything.
I don’t understand why schools teach algebra but often don’t teach financial literacy. I am fierce about teaching my children about money. I’ve shown them that graphic about the wonders of compound interest from the Barefoot Investor, and the kids have to do three jobs around the house every week. The pay they get for that they divide between three jars: Spend, Save and Give. They have decided on a savings goal of $1000 and then they are going to start buying shares.
Not being in control of your money affects every part of your life. In the area we used to live, we had great public schools. Now I’m living with my parents and the schools aren’t so good, so I have to look for alternatives. And on it goes. My reality is I’ll be working until I’m 70, but at least I’m lucky enough to have a job I love.
Interview_ Ute Junker
Photo_ Charles Deluvio/UnSplash
Our interviewee chose to remain anonymous